Asides

Let the Ink Sink In

Despite all the things I actually want to write about, writing has somehow lost a bit of its wonder. Not having been able to write anything worth posting, writing now feels like an awkward conversation between friends who have drifted apart.

Before, it was so easy to just type things in. Now, I feel like every word is up for scrutiny, not by any reader, but by the very paper I write things to.

Attempting to spill out the words in this blank space feels like opening up to a familiar, yet now unrecognizable place. I wonder if the problem is in the paper, or the pen – like trying out a new ink on a piece of parchment. The ink seems to effortlessly melds itself into the fibers of the paper, many moons before. Now it feels like I am using an ink-filled pen on a glossy sheet.

The resistance is palpable. A resistance that was probably built from a long period of neglect, of fading familiarity — much like many things beyond writing.

Maybe, I need to give it some time before the ink soaks the paper. I wonder if I should just buy a new notepad, or something.

For now, I hope the ink sinks in.

 

Why Misery Loves Company

Once there was Misery.
Swimming, breathing, solitary.
It went about its business like you and me.
Lived on its bubble while sipping tea.

One day Company came.
It had color that I cannot explain.
Neither good nor bad.
It didn’t really make one happy or sad.

Misery was curious and somewhat amused,
Of this new fellow that came rolling through.
Things are the same, but not exactly
It’s just that this time, there is Company.

Sometimes it speaks
Sometimes it sings.
The other day it was silent,
Brooding even, it seems.

Misery went about its routine.
Lived on its bubble while sipping tea.
But now Company is here
With Misery, drinking its coffee

“Misery loves Company”
I heard someone say
The reason, I wonder
So I started to ponder.

Not for its mood or songs,
Not because of what it’s given or done,
Despite liking coffee over tea
Misery still loves Company

Even after tea has run cold,
In a bubble drowning in silence,
Misery has company
….and that makes all the difference.

Lighting up

Candles are so full of metaphors, or at least us humans keep on making some sort of interpretation on a lighting mechanism we invented ourselves. Anyway, life is short so I decided to indulge a human frailty this quiet night.

Candles are most magnificent when they are serving their purpose–when they are giving light. Somehow, in this process, the wick, the candles core, can sometimes lose its light by drowing on its own melted wax.

In order to keep the light from burning, you either pull out the wick or pour out the melted wax from the candle holder to keep the wick from drowning.

Tonight, watching how the flame danced reminded me not to over do things, to not drown from our own version of reality. It is also sometimes necessary to rid ourselves of things we have grown to consider as part of our being, to shed some pounds perhaps, or to just pour out the negatives in order to keep the light alive so our purpose can be revealed to others and also to us.

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Ang Payo ng Pulmo

Hinga nang malalim, ang sabi nila.
Hinga lang, hinga lang. Isa pa.

Kung madadala lang ng isang buntong hininga,
ang sabid sabid na nadarama,
ang sigaw na ayaw kumawala,
ang bulong na naguusig, nangungutya,
ang galit na humahalo sa pangamba,
ang pagkalunod sa dagat ng mga pinalampas na sandali,
ang pagkamanhid na ikinukubli sa tawa at ngiti,
ang takot sa bawat gabing paparating,
ang pagbagsak mula sa banging hindi pa nararating

Hinga nang malalim, ang sabi nila.
Sa bawat paghinga, may saglit na segundo ng pagasa,
na may kamay na hihila,
na sa mabigat na tangan ay magdadala,
na ang dilim ay kusang magpaparaya…
na kahit sandali’y sisilip ang mga tala.

Huminga nang malalim, ang sabi nila.
Pagkat ang paghinga lang ang tanging magagawa
Nang iyong katawan, nang iyong baga.

Hinga lang, hinga lang. Isa pa.
Huminga nang malalim
….ang sabi nila.

Uncorking…again

After almost a year, here we go again. Writing an entry here feels like praying to the Big Guy after a long long while. At first, you don’t really know where to begin despite knowing how much you really want to let out. It’s also probably like opening a bottle of champagne, once the cork is out, the words should just keep flowing in.

I used to write regularly here. I guess a lot of it has to do with my “five posts per month” goal and also the novelty of blogging for me at that time. I don’t think I will ever run out of topics to talk about. But oftentimes, when I have talked to somebody about some new idea or thought, it feels a bit redundant to put it again in writing.

Another blogger and also real life friend calls her blog a “repository of her thoughts”. I think that is quite accurate. The cyberspace is a great way to dump some brain farts and probably a place to spill some of those heart farts as well.

Here’s to more online spills and spiels! 🍻 (<—that’s a beer emoji, in case it doesn’t properly show)

Kickstart

After more than a year of not writing anything worth posting, I am at loss. Not exactly at loss for words, but more at loss on how to organize my thoughts, which topic to write first, and how in particular to begin. I think I am over thinking this. I rarely jump the gun especially with words. Maybe I can make an exception this one time? I ramble often, mumble even, non-coherent thoughts that would even confuse me as a reader.

Buuut, what the fork. I hear Sara Bareilles in the background telling me to ” let the words come out”. Seriously! This doesn’t really warrant bravery, writing. Well, this one in particular does not, me thinketh. This is more of a “don’t think, just do” kind of exercise. Probably just like riding a bike after not doing so for so long? I would be the last person to confirm this. I don’t really bike but that’s what they say.

Ah well, a couple of words already on paper. I shake my hand and give myself pat on the back.

“In order to live a long and happy life…, you need to write. No matter how stupid it may sound, you need to write.” – Dr. Gelia Castillo, national scientist

One Year Flying

I know it was around July, but I didn’t exactly mark the date on my calendar. I was actually hoping WordPress would send me a notification, a little confetti shower of sorts. It took a comment from Ishaiya on one of my older post for me to be reminded of the actual date of the anniversary of my first post.

(Pause for some cheers and confetti^^)

This isn’t my first attempt at blogging. The first blog that I had was a french-inspired blog where I mostly put things related to…surprise, surprise (!)…the french language. With some previous posts under my belt, this technically does not mark my one year in WordPress; however,  I felt the things between last year and today is enough reason to celebrate.

I find it a bit surreal that a year had already gone by and that now, sitting in my bed, I am now writing an anniversary blog post. (Another pause for some cheers and confetti:) ). A couple of months ago, I envisioned that I would be writing a very impassioned piece on the joy of writing, the wonders of the blogosphere, and other sweet stuff to mark this occasion. But to tell you honestly, after a long day at work, I am not feeling very impassioned at the moment. But do not despair, I am not about to write a sappy, whiny post on my blog anniversary. This momentous (O_0) event just made me a little pensive, that’s all.

To feel a bit tired of writing is not exactly an unusual feeling (especially when the real world is getting in the way). Looking back at my experience with my first blog, I now see, that the fact that I am still writing this despite not feeling very motivated is what kept me from maintaining my little space in the internet.

With my old blog, I thought that the main problem that I would be having is the lack of topic to write about. In retrospect, I find this a bit silly considering the number of topic one can relate to french, the study of language, France, culture and other similar themes. That can also be an occasional problem from me, Daily Prompts, weekly challenges and other people’s input do help in this department.

So what was the difference with this page?

Two things: GOAL and a COMMITMENT to that goal. Since this is my anniversary blog post, (more cheers and confetti!) I hope you would indulge me to expound on those two things.

First is my goal.

For flyforicarus, I only have one: To have at least 5 posts per month.

You might ask, “Why 5?”. Well, why not. I am not really sure of the answer myself . But I guess since my first month only had 5 posts, I made it a goal to at least maintain that figure. What I am sure of is that it was never really about the actual value of the number. It could have been a 4 or a 10 (good thing it was not 10 ^^). The important thing here is to have a clear target that is realistic.

“Achievable goals are the first step to self improvement” – JK Rowling

I would admit that having a stat info to look at every now and then can be a good motivator. However, of all of the numbers in my stat, the one thing that I truly care about is the number of post I make in a month. Racking up on the number of likes, comments and follows gave me a happy feeling especially in the beginning. But these numbers are not numbers that I should obsess about. For one, these numbers are also dependent on the quantity and quality of my post. Instead of focusing on the result of my work, I decided to concentrate on the things that I can actually control.

More post = more materials for people to read = higher possibility of more likes/ comment = more happiness 🙂 🙂

Next on my list is my commitment to the goal.

I had a particular month when I was so busy  that I didn’t even bother to check my page until the last few weeks. I think I needed two more post to meet the goal. I was not in the mood to write anything and was making lots of excuse like, “maybe I can just stick with 3 post, then I will write 7 the next month” or, ” I wrote more than 5 last months, so by the  law of averages, I’ve already met my quota.“, etc… They were not works of art but I still managed to meet my quota despite all that bargaining. That made me feel quite pleased.

All in all, this whole blogging thing had been a great way for me to unload some ideas that I would just normally keep to myself. The experience had reiterated some of the values that I already know but do not consciously practice in real life. It has also made me appreciate writing, although it didn’t care much for it before. I feel really proud and happy that I was able to write some of the stuff I wrote here and was glad of the decision to start this whole thing. I don’t know if it’s just narcissism or if other bloggers feel the same as well.

Aside from the sense of accomplishment that I get every time I click the “Publish”  button, I get this inexplicable excitement whenever I see that that notification box light up. The conversations that I’ve had with some of the people here at the WP community has been the best part of the experience for me. Conversations that I would not have thought possible, from sharing our views regarding a mythical character to cats, books, social issues, more stories about cats– I just feel so blessed to have chanced upon some of these amazing people.

For the next year my goal is to read and interact with other people more. Considering that some of the most stimulating conversations I had came from people across the country and the globe, this new goal would be a great way for me to expand my horizon and to broaden my perspective on  a lot of issues. I think 5 comments or likes per week would be a manageable goal for me. Now all I have to do is to strengthen my commitment to this goal.

Finally, I would like to thank all those who liked, commented, followed and read what I wrote here most especially to those who keep on coming back. I hope I can talk to you again soon.  ❤

Hugs and cheers,

Arianne